Misadventures of Shinobi!
by Ryu Shoten
Summary: Funny OOC stuff! Please R&R! Rated T to be safe.
1. EmoBGone!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Neurotically Yours. If I did, Naruto would get a clue, Hinata would have a spine, and my sister would never stop hugging me.  
Naruto: But she already does that.  
Me: Get a clue, would ya?  
Naruto: TT   
Chapter 1: Emo-B-Gone!

Naruto: I've been doing some research, and I've discovered that your moments of manic emo-ness are caused by "inner demons".

Sasuke: We all have our inner demons.

Naruto: Not now. Kakashi, Lee and I have decided to cure you of your tormenting ailments through our secret Narutian cult Emo-B-Gone ritual. Lights!

Lee: Oh my yosh, gotta get the lights - click!

Darkness

Sasuke: What the-?

Naruto: Oooooh sacred Ramen spirit of the Narutian cult, cast the demons away that torment this dumb, dumb teme.

Sasuke: Hey!

Darkness lifts - Sasuke is chained to a table

Naruto: And now, for the sacred Narutian hand gesture.

Naruto puts on big hand shaped in a thumbs up reading 'Naruto Rules'

Naruto: Emo-B-Gone!

Naruto hits Sasuke

Sasuke: Ow!

Naruto: How to you feel?

Sasuke: Still depressed, and now aggravated

Naruto: Ah... Guess I have to try again. Emo-B-Gone!

Naruto hits Sasuke

Sasuke: AAAAAH!

6 hours later

Sasuke: Please, no more, I'll do anything...

Naruto: Emo-B-Gone!

Kakashi: I think it's hopeless...

Sasuke: Why do you hate me?

Kakashi: I don't think it's working...

Naruto: Nonsense - he just needs to be smacked harder, is all.

Naruto: Emo-B-Gone!

Sasuke: Aaargh!!!

Blood splatters

Naruto: How do you feel?

Sasuke: Well... I'm not depressed any more, just filled with a psychotic hatred for you three!

Naruto: Ha! Another success! All hail the power of the Narutian cult!

End

Sasuke: I'll show you inner demons!

Naruto: Hey - ow!

Kakashi: Stay away!

Lee: Ouch, please stop with the hurting and the evil of being emo! 


	2. In the Breakroom

Disclaimer: Ugh, not again... I don't own Naruto or VG Cats. If I did, I would give Sasuke the Narutian Cult Emo-B-Gone ritual until he cried.  
Sasuke: But you do that anyway!  
Me: Silence! Emo-B-Gone!  
Sasuke:(Smacked upside the head) OW! TT Me: Success!

Chapter 2: In the Breakroom

Akatsuki...wherever it is now...

Deidara: Boy, Itachi, it sure was nice of you to buy all these drinks for me, un.

Itachi: Think nothing of it.

Deidara:(Burps) Oh boy... I gotta use the bathroom, un.

Itachi: Go right ahead, ta-ta! (waits until Deidara leaves) on a headset All right, the blond has left the beauty shop. Commence operation "What's Deidara's Freakin' Gender", over.

Kisame: That's a ten-four. The subject is in sight, beginning surveillance.

(Watches Deidara walk past the men's room...then the ladie's room. Kisame watches Deidara in shock)

Kisame: Gah!

Itachi: over headset What's wrong?

Kisame: It's peeing in the breakroom! I repeat, it's peeing in the freaking breakroom!!!

A/N: More to come. Please R&R, flames make Kisame cry. 


	3. Amplified Bible

Disclaimer: Me: Again, ugh. Lee, please do this thing for me, I have a headache.

Lee: Yosh! Ryu Shoten does not own Neurotically Yours or Naruto!

Me: Thank you, here's a cookie.

Lee: Yay!

Bigger Breasts Through Witchcraft part 1: Amplified Bible

Shizune::groan:: Are you done here.

Tsunade: _No_, I'm still looking for a reputable book on the wiccan religion.

Shizune: Just get any one, they're all the same.

Tsunade: No they're not, for example: this one is called The Practical Wiccan, somewhat reputable, and has some nifty info. A good start for a beginner. But most books are like this, see, Love Spells For The Teenage Witch; this, garbage. How To Get Back At Those You Hate; crap. And this, this is absolutely the worst; Bigger Breasts Through Witchcraft. What a load of bull.

(Tsunade and Shizune speak simultaneously)

Tsunade: I can't stand when they take a reputable religion and turn it into something that depressed teenage girls exploit on weekends to cast idiotic love spells while sitting around eating cake and wine!

Shizune: Let me see that... _Boobies large, Boobies great, Let them grow, exponentially. As large as life, As full as day, Let them grow, exponentially... _peers at Tsunade, realizing the incantation did not work:: what a load of crap this is.

Tsunade::sigh:: They have no understanding of its meaning and screw around with powers BEYOND THEIR COMPRENENSION!!! Those fat morons...

Shizune: Hey, look at this, its an _amplified bible_!

Tsunade: So?

Shizune: Is it louder than the other bibles? AND GOD SAID,

Orochimaru: Oh dear god!

Shizune:LET THERE BE LIGHT!!

Orochimaru: Ahh!

Shizune: AND THERE WAS LIGHT!

Orochimaru: There's a girl, in my head!!

Shizune: THOU SHALT NOT STEAL!!

Tsunade: Stop that.

Shizune: AND HE CHANGED WATER, INTO WINE!

Tsunade: Amplified doesnt mean loud, baka.

Shizune: False advertising.

Tsunade: I feel strange all of a sudden... (breasts are growing)

Shizune: Could it have been that mexican food you ate this morning? You dont eat jalapenos for breakfast!!!

Tsunade::burp::


	4. Paper Back Bust

Disclaimer: OK, I don't own Naruto or Neurotically Yours. Please, I want to own something!

Bigger Breasts Through Witchcraft pt 2: Paper Back Bust

Jiraiya: Right, so how long have you been like this?

Tsunade: Ever since Shizune rambled off that stupid bigger boob spell from that bigger breasts through witchcraft book 2 weeks ago.

Jiraiya: Oh.

Tsunade: This, this is horrible. I haven't even left the house in two weeks and they get bigger every day!

Jiraiya: So what are you going to do?

Tsunade: I sent Shizune to find a book to reverse the spell.

Jiraiya: I see...you think he'll find it?

Tsunade: I'm not sure, it's a really rare book.

Jiraiya: Kind of difficult to find? smiles hmm, so that means you'll be stuck like this...that would be awkward, wouldn't it? It's- it's- it's a darn shame. Really.

Tsunade: Oh, shut up you perv!

Jiraiya: I only have your well being in mind.

Shizune enters

Shizune: I found the book! In paperback...

Jiraiya: Dang it! How could you find that?

Shizune: Awww...didn't think I'd find it, did you, boob boy?

Jiraiya: It's all over, it's ruined, it is!

Tsunade: Where did you find it?

Shizune: Weirdest thing, I found the last known copy in the coffin of the late Russ Meyers.

Tsunade: Read the spell so I can get back to normal.

Jiraiya: All I ever wanted! Destroyed! Because of you! points at Shizune angrily because of you!!

Shizune: You're such a baby.

Jiraiya: You freaking, scavenger hunting girl!

Shizune: ahem Boobies large, Boobies huge! Those that jiggle and those that move! To normal size, to normal shape. Be them normal, before backs break.

lightning

Tsunade: her boobs are covering most of her face Nothing's happening!

Shizune: Says here it takes two weeks for the spell to work!

Tsunade: Oh crap!

Jiraiya: One day I'll get you. I'll get you for this!

Shizune: Okay, it's time for you to leave!

(END)

Jiraiya: You ruined everything!


	5. VOODEEDOO

Disclaimer: Not again, quit bothering me! I said that I don't own Naruto or Neurotically Yours, what more do you want from me?!?!

Chapter 5: VOODEEDOO

Kankuro: I made you finest jar from the likeness of you for little sticking of the voodeedoo like in my books of fun.

Temari: I can't understand you. Have you been forgetting your medication again?

Kankuro: Voodeedoo…

Temari: You mean Voodoo?

Kankuro: Perhaps, just who knows the word gone voodeedoo to voodoo or maybe just needle sticking dolly head.

Temari: Voodoo isn't something you should be messing with, besides if you don't do it the right way you accomplish nothing.

Kankuro: I… I did it the right way with the words right in my book with the spells and the things that tell the instructions to do. And this… Is you!

Temari: Don't make voodoo dolls of me!

Kankuro: Voodeedoo…

Gaara: Right what seems to be happening here?

Temari: Kankuro made a voodoo doll of me!

Gaara: Do tell.

Kankuro: I killed you with the voodeedoo of a purple hair that's in my hands.

Gaara: Right let's see then.

Temari: Please, the day a baka like Kankuro could properly make a voodoo doll is the day I ahhhh!!!

Kankuro: Oh my you stabbed her nipply protubering of lactating mammaries.

Temari: Aughh…

Gaara: It slipped…

Kankuro: You're a filthy perv of the bad twisted head kind seen on the internet with the naughty girls and the twisted thoughts pixilated though our 56k modem.

Temari: Take the needle out!

Gaara: Quiet you, we're having a conversation here.

Kankuro: YOU DID IT AGAIN! Nasty Head!

Gaara: Don't change the subject how dare you say I'm a perv? That defamatory and wrong and I resent that sir.

Temari: Ohhhhh…

Gaara: I resent it!

Kankuro: Then remove the needles of the hell from the nipply niceness yo yo you deviant tree rat!

Gaara: Oh, now I'm a rat? So you want twisted? How's this?

Temari: (scream)

Kankuro: Not nice with the nailing of the parts in the private area against their own not to be seen!

Gaara: Look mate can't we just put out differences aside? No need to fight, we can be chums again eh?

Kankuro: I had a some chum cereal once with the milk and a spoon and surprise inside.

Gaara: That's very nice. Now think you can make me one of those things in the likeness of Tony Blair?

Kankuro: Hey like the Tony Blair Witch Project that was so scary with the running though the forest and chasing the UN away.

Temari: Take… the needles out you baka aghhhh…

(END)


	6. The Wallet

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, okay? That being said, I'm going to leave you to your nonsense. Plays Pokémon Pearl Just leave me alone!**

Chapter 6: The Wallet**  
**  
Kakuzu: Of wow look at this I found a wallet what's better than finding a wallet…huh…huh??...huh??...finding a wallet with money in it! 

Kakuzu: Maybe there's money ah wa…wa…wa…wa.

Kakuzu: There's like six hundred dollars in here woohoo haha.

Kakuzu: I'm a rich ninja…I'm a freaking rich ninja, man!

Kakuzu: Woooooo…rich ninja.

Kakuzu: Ok now let's see what do I do? Do I return it? Do I return it? Keep the wallet…return…keep return…keep keep keep…maybe if there's no ID. I can keep it.

Kakuzu: Huh…hah…err…lets see nothing so far…ah…ah…ah ha driver's license.

Kakuzu: Er hmm do I look at it? Should I look at it.

Kakuzu: Ahh its an old lady, oh man… the address is clear as day err should I send it back?

Kakuzu: Errrr nnnnnnnnnnner.

Kakuzu: Let me weigh the options, Let me weigh the options …she's a old lady she may need the money we all know about that social security problem there having.

Kakuzu: I could return it and she would have her six hundred dollars.

Kakuzu: But…what if she's already dead?...a dead body does not need money ya know.

Kakuzu: So you can see my logic.

Kakuzu: But if I don't return it and she does need the money she could die…but if she dies, then she'd be dead and she won't need the money.

Kakuzu: Hmmm let me consult with the powers that be.

Kakuzu: Do I keep the wallet or shall I return it.

Kakuzu: Ohhhh powers that be…please answer my question… NOW!!! 

Thunder and Lightning

Booming Voice: RETURN THE WALLET

Kakuzu: Can't argue with that I'll go return the wallet and I hope the powers that be will smile upon me well in the future.

Kakuzu: And I hope the lady that gets this back appreciates it and at least writes me and "thank you" note.

Kakuzu: Freaking old lady… 

Booming Voice: KEEP THE WALLET

Zetsu: You're bad, Leader-sama.

Leader: Yeah, now let's make Kisame eat shark fin soup again.

Zetsu: Yay!

(END)


	7. Help Me!

Disclaimer: insert useless banter about not owning anything here

Ryu: Hello my loyal fans, I've run into a little writer's block for the time being, and it's killing me! I was just doing this at first to get ideas out of my head, but an anonymous fan coughgothgirl-narutofancough inspired me to work on this some more. So what I ask of you, the loyal readers, is to send me ideas of parodies and stuff like that. Just remember, I will NOT use anything adult-oriented or anything that has a plot running more than two chapters. So no pairings, unless it ends up in a comical way, nothing homosexual, i.e. NaruSasu, OroSasu, etc., and nothing that make Kishimoto-sama look bad in any way. So, have fun, send in ideas, and take a shower more than once a week, please, I can't stand the funk!

Anno: Can't stand the funk, doo ke choo!

Ryu: What the...? Oh, and by the way, if your idea does get turned into a fic, I will give credit where credit is due. Just put your idea into a review with "Misadventure Idea" at the beginning! THank you and have a good night!

Anno: And shower!

Ryu: Stop that! 


	8. What?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and this idea belongs to gothgirl-narutofan, I'm just utilizing it.

Chapter 7: What?

Shino: Dad? Can I ask you something?

Shibi (Shino's Dad): Sure? What is it?

Shino: Well, there's this girl that I like, but she might get creeped out by my bugs, what should I do?

Shibi:(surprised) That's easy, son! Just use this book. Hands Shino a book titled "How to get a girl to like you: a guide for creepy guys"

Shino: Will this really work?

Shibi: Of course, it's how I met your mother.

Shino's mother: Don't remind me!

Later, at the training grounds...

Shino: thinking Here goes!

Shino: Hinata!

Hinata: Oh, Shino-kun. What are you doing here?

Shino: Uh, quickly turns around and skims through the book If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Hinata: W-what?

Shino: No? Um, I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.

Hinata: S-Shino-kun, are you feeling alright?

Shino: I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?

Hinata: S-s-stay away from me Shino!

Shino: No, no, I'd call this puppy love, but I'm not into all those new positions.

Elsewhere, at the Inuzuka house...

Hana: Are you okay, Kiba?

Kiba: I don't know, but I just got the weirdest feeling that someone is making a cheesy pick up line involving dogs...

Hana: Just shut up and put on the apron!

Kiba: I hate it when you blackmail me into joining your tea parties!

Hana: Less complaining, more serving, Mrs. FluffyBottoms needs more tea!

Akamaru: thinking I hate it when she calls me Mrs. FluffyBottoms.

Anyway, back to Shino and Hinata...

Shino: Please! One of these has to work!

Hinata: Pick up lines?!? That's it!

Censored for cruel violence and books being shoved into places they don't belong repeatedly...

Naruto: Hey! Hinata-chan!

Hinata: Oh, N-Naruto-kun, w-what are you d-d-doing here?

Naruto: I've just realized that Sakura's not gonna give up on Sasuke, so, do you wanna go out?

Five seconds for Hinata's brain to register offer...

Hinata: Yes! Take me!!!

Naruto: Whoa!!!

Shino: crying Hinata-chan...

(END)

A/N: Haha! It is done! It took me awhile to find the pick up lines, but it was worth it. By the by, don't actually try these lines, they have met absolutely no success at all. By the way, in case you didn't know, Hana is Kiba's OLDER sister (18 years old). 


	9. Secret Admirer

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto, blah, blah, blah. You know the drill. Big thanks to ChibiSkitty-donna for the idea!

Chapter 8: Secret Admirer

Sasuke: Oooo, look what I got. A letter from a secret admirer in the mail today. It smells like tomatoes, and it's in a blood red envelope. My favorite color: blood.

Naruto: Well whooptido, you got a letter, wooooee... Probably from one of your emo friends, so who gives a crap?

Sasuke: Shhh. Listen to what it says, listen.

"Dear Sasuke, how I longed to speak these words that rain from my heart through endless patterns of longing and sorrow."

Oh, how sad.

Naruto: What a loser.

Sasuke: Shhh!

"I have seen you from afar. Noticed you in the coffee shop. I thought to myself: What a perfect creature this be."

Naruto: Give me a break, you sappy freak.

Sasuke: "I have since watched you from a distance. Though closer than you might think. In the bookstore, in the park. Closer I crept and saw that you have to be mine. I stare at your pictures that I've taken myself: in the movie theater, in your apartment. Each celluloid frame gives me great delight and instills me pleasure, to see your naked frame shower as you wash the filth with this world from your flawless body. Perfection is thee, I will meet you and I will have you. Signed, the Eternal Watcher.

P.S. I could see you now."

What the?!

Naruto: Haha, you have a stalker, you have a stalker, I don't. You do. You're gonna die, I can sleep at night. Nyah-nyah!

Hehe.

Doorbell rings

Sasuke: gets surprised

Naruto: For whom the bell tolls? It tolls for thee!

Hehe. Ah, relax yourself. You jumpin' around all jittery like a crack addict. I have a friend like you, you know. Always jittery.

Naruto opens the door

It's just the pizza girl. 

Sakura stands there holding a pizza box

Hey, there better be extra pepperoni on it this time. Not like last time! I ordered them, and what was on it? Nothin'. You know what happens now?! 

Naruto grabs the pizza box

I close the door, you get no tip. Goodbye.

Aw, jeez, you stiffed me on the pepperoni!

Sakura sneaks in and takes multiple photos of Sasuke

END


	10. Nightmares and Chocolates

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and this idea was given to me by gothgirl-narutofan. Thanks alot!

A/N: For (#) see A/N at the end of the chapter.

Nightmares and Chocolates

It was a strangely normal morning at Konoha, our favorite knuckleheaded ninja was just waking up. As he went to the bathroom to relieve himself, he noticed something was missing.

Naruto: Ahhhh! Where is it!?

Naruto: looking at the mirror I look my Oiroke no Jutsu!(1) 'cept my hair's red, weird.

As he pondered what he was going to do, he resisted the urge to feel himself up.

Naruto: Must. resist. perverted impulses. grabs "herself" Not. resisting. well.

Naruto: Wait! Maybe Tsunade-baachan(2) can help!

Later, after spending an hour admiring "herself" in the mirror. Naruto was gaining unwanted attention from the single male population of the village. "She" eventually broke into a run while trying to avoid Ebisu, Kakashi, Neji(3), and a number of other perverted males and some lesbians. The other villagers couldn't help but notice a small river of blood flowing from the pursuing mob.

Even later, at the Hokage's office.  
Tsunade: I HATE PAPERWORK!!

Shizune: You still have to do it, though, and no force on this earth can keep me from making sure you do your work!

Just then, Naruto burst through the door, sending Shizune flying out the open window.

Shizune: from outside I'm okay!

Tsunade: What do you want, kid, I'm very busy!

Naruto: It's me Tsunade-baachan!

Tsunade: Naruto? What happened to you?

Naruto: How should I know, I woke up like this! And now I got all these crazy people outside wanting to do perverted things to me!

Tsunade: Huh?

Suddenly, the door burst open again, this time flying off its hinges and into Tsunade, knocking her out the window and into Shizune.

Naruto: What do you want from me?!

Guys: Will you go out with me?

Shino: Hey, where's Kiba?

At the village gates...

Jiraiya: Hey, uh, Kiba, right? What're you doing here?

Kiba: The narc team called in sick, so Akamaru and I are filling in.

Jiraiya: You any good?

Kiba:sniffs You just came back from the Waves country. You had oden for dinner, then you slept with two Wave women, and a man.

Jiraiya: Heh, you mean three Wave women, right?

Kiba:...

Jiraiya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Back to the main story.  
Naruto: Guys, stop it! No! Get away! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!

Suddenly, Naruto wakes up screaming.

Sasuke: What's wrong, Naruto?

Naruto: Sasu-chan, I had the scariest dream!

Sasuke: It's alright, I'll make you feel all better.(4)

Suddenly, Ryu wakes up screaming.  
Ryu: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Ryu: That's it! No more ramen before bed!

END  
That's that! And to those who wondered where the chocolate was, ask my stomach.

A/N (1) For those who are Cartoon Network freaks, that is the Sexy Jutsu.  
(2) Granny Tsunade.  
(3) Come on, the Byakugan is the pervert's dream come true. Why else would Hinata blush everytime she sees Naruto?  
(4) I think a little part of me died while writing this bit. 


	11. Meditational Melee

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto blah blah blah, I don't own Neurotically Yours blah blah blah. Just leave me to my business

*******************

Chapter 11: Meditational Melee

(Neji is sitting cross legged in on the floor; in that yoga meditation position… or is it Buddhist)

Neji: (chanting) Ohhhhhmmmmmm…. Ohhhhhmmmmmm … Ohhhhhmmmmmm

(TenTen appears from behind Neji's head)

TenTen: Hey what are you doing?

Neji: T.M.

TenTen: And that would be….?

Neji: Transcendental Meditation, through meditation I can transcend the pain of the flesh and reach higher planes of consciousness

TenTen: Oh.... That's like those guys in that……uhhh, that's like those crazy Buddhist guys and those people in the white house.

Neji: I need silence to concentrate; that means quiet, no noise, no chatter.

TenTen: how about banter, can I do banter? Banter, banter banter.

Neji: No!

TenTen: you know this is no fun if you're gonna meditate and I just have to sit here and watch.

Neji: People in the south use people like you for chili meat…

TenTen: I like the chilly! Chilly chili chili you give me the chili chili chili (said to a tune… as such) dukudukadow chili!

Neji: Silence!

TenTen: Fine!... one more question… (breaks out into attempted song) "Am I breakin' your concentration!,. ado doo doodododo, (other attempted song noises) "Am I breakin all your concentration! (starts using an air-guitar and making guitar sounds) Am I breakin your concentration!... (more sounds) Oh yeah!!!

Neji: ahhh I'm trying to reach a higher plane here!

TenTen: Fine I'll go! You suck you never let me do anything…

(END)


End file.
